Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Do as the man says

In my continuing effort to undermine any future employment opportunities with this blog, I bring you this recent exchange (transcribed from e-mail):

Randy Irmis: Sweet action sequence. With a techno soundtrack.

Matt (forwarding to Mike Taylor): This is indeed a sweet action sequence.

Mike: It certainly is. I've seen this before, but I'm very happy to see it again. :-) It's my understanding that all of this is basically real, i.e. no messing about with special effects, just a sequence of awesome stunts. And I think that, for once, "awesome" is the appropriate word here. I find it exhilarating that the human body is capable of this kind of thing. I feel a sort of reflected glory based on the fact that I am the same species as him. :-)

Matt: We all have our gifts. I can't go jumping off rooftops like that (and by the way, the guy who jumps out the window and misses the rope is awesome!), but I bet those guys can't eat a whole large pizza in one sitting, either, or belch the national anthem.

Mike: I would have thought that the American national anthem would be just about the hardest one in the world to belch. If you can really do it, I am impressed.

Matt: Sadly, I can't. I have done the alphabet, though. And just the other day I peed for a minute and fifty seconds, without consciously holding back. And I once ate 6.5 Big Macs in one sitting without throwing up. And one time when I was living alone I weighed myself before and after a big dump and found that I had lost six pounds on the crapper.

So I'm still pretty awesome.

Mike: A LOT of LLOLing* here. I command you to post this on your website, right now, with no changes whatsoever.


Done and done. All that stuff is true, by the way.

*LLOL = Literally Laughing Out Loud. Used between Mike and me only when we actually, you know, laugh. A mere smile gets a GSG (Good Solid Grin). It's our little rebellion against w00t culture.

IMMEDIATE UPDATE: As long as we're talking about stuff that came up on e-mail, I feel compelled to share this gem from my LA-nuking homeboy, Jarrod Davis:

"This is like a swamp full of radioactive awesome! I want to roll around in it and let it mutate me!"

UPDATE THE SECOND: I should also mention another very worthy entry to the lexicon, courtesy of Darren Naish. Upon learning that one of his papers has been racking up the citations recently, he exclaimed:

"I think I just had a sexual accident!"

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Blogger TheBrummell said...

Somebody has to ask (the rest of you know you're thinking it):

Did you take a picture of that 6-pound dump? If not, could you at least describe it for us, in not more than 10 words?

4:25 PM  
Blogger Dr. Vector said...

I appreciate your spirit of fearless inquiry. The legions of science need more people with your vision.

Did you take a picture of that 6-pound dump?

Sadly, no. That would have been in the fall of '95 or the spring of '96, which was deep in the Analogozoic, when I basically photographed nothing. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that I have never photographed one of my own productions, although I do have a digital photo of my brother next to a fine specimen of Crocodilus porcelainus in the half-submerged basking position.

If not, could you at least describe it for us, in not more than 10 words?

That's no moon. It's a space station!

6:18 PM  
Blogger Darren Naish said...

Oh I see.. so you quote Jarrod's words of wisdom, but mine aren't good enough? Huh.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Dr. Vector said...

A thousand pardons, O Living Spirit of Mercy. Your humble servant exists but to serve. If your exaltedness would turn his penetrating vision upon the newly updated post, he shall see his words enshired in the medium digital for the edification of all.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Darren Naish said...

That's better.

Let's face it, we have nothing to lose but our self respect. What self respect? Exactly.

2:45 PM  

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